DAY THREE: YA'ABURNEE

Ya’aburnee:  a word of Arabic origin that simply translates as ‘you bury me’. This is used to describe the hope that a loved one will outlive you as to spare yourself the pain of living your life beyond that person.

You bury me. Bury me because I don’t have the strength. Bury me because I am a selfish coward accustomed to being taken care of by you and always having you near. Bury me because I don’t have it in me to pick your burial spot and to take flowers there.

You bury me. Bury me because the kids would be better off with you than I. I don’t know these things of grief, tears and sorrow, I’d die if I had to learn them because you left. I don’t know these things of holding lifeless bodies, of choosing a favourite tie and socks. I don’t want the last time I smell your cologne to be when applying it on your body. So better me than you. You bury me.

You bury me because you have taught me life, you have taught me love and you have taught me how to laugh. If you have the ability to teach me, you can teach someone else. You bury me because if I had to live a life without you I would never laugh again.

You bury me because you cook more than me, because the neighbours like you more than they tolerate me. Because I don’t know how to trim rose bushes or use Excel. You see more people will suffer if I bury you instead of you burying me.

I want the last thing I hear to be your voice, I want to die peacefully knowing the world is just fine with you in it. Outlive me because you are stronger, because you are better looking and will find somebody else. Outlive me because you work out and know how to resist junk food and you never put sugar in your tea. Outlive because you are the one with dreams and drive.

My request is from a place of fear because I know life will no longer make sense without you.

Please my love, you bury me.