POLITICS OF THE SIDE PIECE

Being a side piece is a funny job that most people have on the side. There are no leave days, no retirement benefits and certainly no public holidays committed to celebrating all the hard work put in by side pieces around the world. By definition, a side piece is somebody who is involved with someone who is married or committed to somebody else. The definition is constant but the roles vary. Some side pieces are silent phantoms that just do their job without asking for rights. Some are vivacious personalities that pour a lot of passion into their jobs and get some rights and benefits in form of gifts, holidays and pseudo status in some circles. These types often end up ruining the real actual relationship and end up writing tell all books and get their time on E! And in our local paper; think Monica Lewinsky and the Tiger Woods girls. Sometimes these types end up as the jealous main chick constantly tracking her man to make sure he doesn’t get a side chick as sharp as she was. Some side pieces are clueless, busy building futures in their heads with people who belong to somebody else, not knowing that they are indeed side pieces.

I am kind, I chose to acknowledge the side pieces today. The prolific strong people constantly introduced as ‘friend’, I will analyse their ever changing roles in society and see how one can be a successful side piece. If you mean to do something bad, at least be good at it.

The Side Chick.

As defined earlier, the side chick is involved with a man who is already in a committed relationship with somebody else. There is a hierarchy there, there is the main and there is the side. For those who know they are side chick you know what that means, for the accidental side chicks, this is the reason you never see ‘your man’ after 10PM, during the day on weekends, on Sundays, when he is sick and it is ultimately the reason you haven’t met his mother or gone to his house. Main chick takes care of him when he is sick, is the starring in his future plans, sleeps in his bed and has her things in his house. Main chick is the reason he works hard, applies lotion on his legs and gets a haircut, he wants to make her proud of him. Main chick also gets to cater to his ongoing emotional, spiritual, romantic needs.

You are side chick. Yours is the role of catering to his two strong needs. His sexual needs and his ego needs. Do not despair, these are two very powerful things to control. It would be lovely for him to commit sexually and emotionally to both main and side chick but he is but one man so he can burn out if he tries. So main chick serves her purpose as his life, while side chick caters to those little things that get neglected when having a long term relationship. As a successful side chick yours is to make him feel like a sexual titan and the boss. You can’t complain too much because then you become like main chick. You must be in shape, this will help you be spontaneous, enable you to wear all those sexy things and perform those stunts like nobody else. You must be well equipped in sweet talk and ‘the touch of Delilah’. The touch of Delilah is the only way you will get nice gifts and exotic holidays with shopping money, seduction is your key. See what made him chose you and maximize on it. The final rule of being a successful side chick is to always keep your head in the game. Don’t catch feelings or plan a future. The man is rent out that you eventually have to return so while you are at it keep all focus on yourself. Have sex when you want it, travel when you want to, lose weight if you want to. Don’t make any permanent changes to your life because he obviously hasn’t. Do things for yourself, think about you because nobody else will, he obviously isn’t.

I personally don’t support cheating, it’s a nasty habit and nobody really wins, all the lying and scheming is exhausting and everybody ends up in a puddle of sweat and tears. Not the good kind of sweat from ripping off clothes and grinding bodies but the bad kind of sweat you get from trying to zip up your suitcase because your ass got kicked out. Cheating is also an expensive habit, instead of one holiday, you plan two, instead of one bottle of wine, and you have to buy two. Every cost is doubled. Why not settle for one bad-ass queen who you build something real with and caters to all your needs as you cater to hers? Instead of chasing around hapless girls who can only cater to a single need. Cheating is also nasty because of disease, don’t you fear HIV, gonorrhea and syphilis? Who says that main chick is faithful? What if she has a side guy? She might be sleeping with somebody who will just put in a cocktail of STIs that you will all ignorantly share. 

Speaking of side guys…

The Side Guy

Sex…mostly it’s about sex and nothing more. Most side guys are actually in committed relationships and view the other woman as the side chick. So in essence its side pieces coming together to make a bigger side piece. :D

The side guy’s role is to provide that D…and D can stand for anything in this equation…from Disaster to Devastating to Dangerous et al. That D gotta be the type that causes epilepsy in a woman, the type that causes convulsions, the type that explodes and leaves the victim shaking at a Richter scale of 5.0. As long the guy lays the pipe all is well in side land.

As a side guy, you are inconspicuous. You could be in the main guy’s face as that “cousin” or “brother” or “gay best friend” but that’s not advised. Do not send her flowers or cards or chocolate etc. do not give a shit about her problems and whatnot. Just lay that pipe. Infact the moment she starts complaining or starts telling a sob story, whip that dick out and put it in her mouth. Your place is not to listen but to christen that pussy. Sob stories are for her girlfriends…strictly.

Saw something that tickled my fancy. I share it below.

“Avoid falling in love with your lovers (this is hard). If you notice that you are falling in love get another lover.”

If you are that side piece whose interests extend yonder some good pussy then you need to be more careful. The 90s Zambian man is now, unfortunately, a gold digger too. Boys are hitting the gym hard and visiting Dr. Mbolo Ikulu Tinga Pange for those enlargement herbs as well as mutototo just to keep their dick game on point. They are also porn aficionados scouring the internet in pursuit of the latest bang bros flick. See these flicks offer insights into how to fuck the living daylights out of a starved career woman or housewife or sex crazed vixen. All these have long term side effects and I advise you to not try any of them at all…bar the gym. I know you want to do your plumbing work right so that you are compensated with gifts and whatnot but be careful.

Jealous husbands or boyfriends are also to be avoided like a scourge. Do not be seen in public with the beneficiary of your dick unless she is way older than you and behaves like your mom. Pussy has been known to be a good motive for mafia type hits.

NEVER get emotionally attached. Your role is very simple. GIVE. HER. THAT. DOPE. DICK.

As a guy nchito nikunyenga chabe

use a condom too.