IF I WERE A BOY

If I Were a Boy

If I were a boy I think I’d be cool. This is not penis envy or a twisted version of the Electra complex, this is just me wondering how things would be if they were different.

If I were a boy I’d have been taller and most likely stronger. All the hip hop I love would be appropriate and I would quote rappers out loud like a boss because then it would make sense. I’d probably rap on the side and on the weekends relishing my sick lines and rhymes while I learned to produce beats from my home boys. I’d have been a studio head with a stable job that takes care of my habits. If I were a boy I’d be able to drink anything but would respect my weakness for whiskey and drink that all the time instead of trying new things.

If I were a boy my greatest weakness would be women. All kinds of women, reserving my weakness for the innocent looking kinky ones and reserving my respect for the only one I actually loved. If I were a boy maybe I’d have a son but then again I wouldn’t have a son. I’d always be strapped so that I wouldn’t have knock any of them up.

If I were a boy I’d visit the one with the full lips and the gifted hands. She would cook her insanely rice and chicken meals with the salad that I like. I’d kiss her and maybe even fuck her just so that I can visit her again. Her rice really is that good.

If I were a boy I’d drive across the city in the still of the night just to see the one with the perfectly round ass and the perfectly resonating accent. The midnight drive would be worth hearing her say dirty things and seeing her ass bounce as I lay the pipe.

If I were a boy I’d be good in bed. So good that the all forgive me for being an asshole and for forgetting their birthdays and for being absent in their moments. They would all forget that I rarely actually listen but rather pick out key words and say them back so they think I am attentive.

If I were a boy I’d have a main side piece. She would have the brains and the boobs. Her eyes would have that sexy thing about them and her ability to suck me off until I blow my brains out would be absolutely gawdly. I’d take her on my trips and occasionally tell her what is on my mind because she has a mind that perfectly inclines to mine.

If I were a boy I’d meet this amazing, challenging girl who is impossible to tame. A quality that I know would make her a wild cat in bed. I’d chase her with everything. Even be a nice guy, just for her. Just for her I would read Plato and Edgar Allan Poe, for her I’d develop an opinion on wine. For her I’d tell some of my secrets just so that she can tell me hers. For her I would neglect main chick because she would require my full attention. Then I would finally tame her and the thrill would be sapped out of it so I would leave her because the feeling just isn’t there. Like a mystery with no sleuth she would never figure out the reason we ended, she would wonder what went wrong and how come I never call.

If I were a boy I’d scratch my balls in the cinema. I’d cum on boobs and get anal or at least try to sneak it in. I’d play FIFA and spend ridiculous amounts of money on my flat screen LCD and my shoes. I’d still love my mother and protect my sisters from guys I think are like me. I’d be fascinated by babies and hope to settle down the normal way one day. I’d have a fetish for ladies in heels and I would drive a car that I keep clean because it is my pussy magnet. I’d know a lot about technology and the internet because we all know real men fix their own shit. I’d have an accent for the ladies and a cologne that my woman loves.

I guess if I were a boy I wouldn’t be any better than the boys I hate because then, I’d just be a boy.