I AM KALUBA

Imagination is all but a valley of what ifs…

What if you actually could do it all?

In June, I met Ndisa. She looked me once over, took my measurements and told me that all I needed to be part of Zambia Fashion Week was a push up bra. Not Liposuction. Not a five month diet of carrots and leeks. Just a push up bra.

Lonah Shawa led Kaluba and I down the room and gave us tips on how to win on the runway and I was shy and still very surprised that I would be walking at Zambia Fashion Week and I didn’t have to change anything about who I am to do it. Kaluba and I gushed about how fun the experience would be and in the car park we traded notes about being the Fat Girl.

Boys* hook up with Fat Girls but never date them. Boys don’t make effort on dates and will expect Fat Girls to provide the entertainment. Boys tackle and fist bump Fat Girls. Some Boys will even go as far as asking for money and never returning it. The experiences of a Fat Girl vary, from being ostracised by bus conductors and shop clerks to people thinking you always have money just because you look well fed. Fat Girls have to be funny, can’t be angry, too busy and can’t demand the same respect and admiration as other women.

*Boys in this case applies to any male who isn’t developed enough to know human value isn’t determined by a scale.

It is evident that there is some shame in being and dating the Fat Girl and I wonder where it all started. Did Fat Girls give people the chance to step on them or did the constant castigation by society lead them to being timid and easy to step on?

I wasn’t aware of my weight or colour until high school. Prior to then I was just a child like every other child. It was only when people started picking my appearance apart that I started to notice that I was different. People naturally cower away from what is different, different is hard to understand. I had to venture on the lonely road of self-discovery to find that different wasn’t bad, it was rare and beautiful.

I watched many Fashion Shows without a guess that one day, someone like me would walk on a runway. The theme at 2016’s Zambia Fashion Week was ‘Evoke Your Imagination’. Every event building up to the final played a role in arousing the parts of us that are competitive, daring and heartfelt. There is no playing safe in the world where fashion and imagination reign supreme.

When the opportunity came I didn’t know if I would take it. I doubted myself every step of the way. I am not shy but I am reclusive, preferring the dark corner in the room to the spotlight. I had to sit down and truly ask myself what the opportunity was really presenting. Perhaps I didn’t know myself as much as I thought I did. Perhaps the opportunity was going to give me the growing and stretching space that I didn’t find in the confines of my humdrum life. So, all in the name of self-discovery and possible apotheosis I took the leap.

My gown was created by Lupupa of Popoka. Her designs are excellent and made for Plus Size women in every form and curve. I fell in love with how the dress hid everything I disliked about myself and accentuated everything I loved; my legs, my arms and the deep brown colour of my skin. At every rehearsal I leaned in to the women surrounding me, women who had experience in being the Fat Girls of society. I laughed with them and saw that there was more to life than the hang ups of weight. There was laughter, ambition and beauty. Lupupa is such a light and I have every intention of following her to wear more of her beautiful clothing.

Kaluba isn’t shy. I am guessing her name means flower and that is what she is. She lights up and colours her environment. I met her accidentally many years ago and then accidentally at church. She texted me for a brief conversation and we talked and talked and talked and I am still waiting for the conversation to end.

During the event build up we would chat about nerves and laugh at all the awkward possibility of falling and failing but she never faltered, she was geared to win on the runway. Event day came and I looked into her eyes for encouragement and she removed the extreme bronzer from Mea and I’s noses. We stood in a line and took turns taking the stage. Kaluba walked fiercely and the crowd went absolutely wild when she danced.

So again I ask; what if you could actually do it all?

In the queue, Philippians 4:13 came to my mind, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

I had taken the verse to mean the hard far off fancy things and I hadn’t applied his strength to every part of me. The parts of me that don’t want to wake up in the morning and the parts of me that tremble at the prospects of a runway.

In Kaluba I found parts of myself that are fearless, that are lively and provocative. Parts that are carefree and confident even in the face of daunting tasks and experiences. She walked the runway as herself and wasn’t even for a second afraid of showing who is. I cheered for her and in a way I also cheered for me and for the timid little girl I once was. I hope I can learn how to live with my heart worn so audaciously on my sleeve.

In Kaluba I have found the parts of myself that dream carelessly. God will create entire industries, will raise women who will sweat day and night for that one day when your imagination is sparked. So why be afraid of doing it all?

Zambia Fashion Week was simply excellent. I wonder what risqué adventure I shall embark on next.