DAY 2. FRIENDSHIP IS...

“A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.” – Proverbs 17:17.

Most recently I have become a loner. Not because I am anti-social but because of this thing called adulthood. I’m always busy and any down time is spent sleeping or finally painting my toenails. Time is evasive, you wake up run around and before you know it you have to sleep again.

Believe it or not I used to have a person. I listened to her music, we ate together and even started to think together. There is nothing about me that she didn’t know and I won’t lie, there are some things that happen to me even now that I know only she could understand. I used to have a person, which is why I know friendship is a divine gift that must be approached wisely.

I have come to appreciate friendship even more. Friends are the people we choose, they are our allies, they forgive us and help us see ourselves. I owe a lot of my growth and skills to my friends who push me, inspire me and make me laugh. Life is too short to restrict yourself to one person. Iron sharpens iron and on some days you need someone to give you a much needed pick-me-up. There are some things you can do all by yourself, there are some things you can do as a duo but there are some things that need a more complex binding, a network. It all comes down to honesty, communication and respect.

 Women are great at disliking each other. The women doing better than we are remind us of our insecurities and we hate them. Then there is the department for ‘natural dislike’ and the department for ex’s girlfriends and for people dating that guy we like. It is complicated. One accidental side eye can crush all the potential for a great friendship. I can’t keep up with frenemy laws and guidelines. 

My natural reaction was to close off and become distrustful of all people and to keep looking over my shoulder but that was exhausting and I am lazy. So I have kept myself open. I overlooked so much before that I now see well. I see my friends that are extremely gifted, beautiful and unique in their own standing. I see them for who they are and I approach them with openness so they reflect it.

Firstly, that me against the world attitude? Drop it. Nobody is fighting you or out to get you. The economy is rough, perfect jeans are hard to find and eyebrows are hard to draw at 5a.m. Nobody has time for hating these days. The fighting attitude is making you hard and as you keep things out, you also keep good things from coming in. Yes, I understand that you have suffered by the hands of women that claimed to be friends and sisters but guess what? They are somewhere picking out new shoes as you sit in your corner grumbling. Let go, the attitude you’re carrying is heavy and it is hurting your back.

Heal. Heal to heal. You have to heal yourself, you have to stop the wounds from festering. You have to cry instead of wearing that fake smile. Then smile for real. Your smile is not lost, that laughter that feels so good it hurts your belly is still in there. Your experiences are not wasted. Somewhere in the world there is a woman who could learn from your mistakes, who could know that she is not alone. Heal first so that you can reach out and heal other.

You should know women that love you because a woman’s love is unique. I have stolen from, lied to and side eyed my mother. I am old now and I am a woman. I understand now that she loves me in a way that only a woman can, not only because she is my mother. Even women who have never had children have this ability to just love. You need that love in your life. You need women that are cheering for you and looking out for you. You need women praying for you, thinking of ways to get you ahead. You need women that are better than you to keep you challenged. You need women that are older than you to keep you educated. You need women that are younger than you to keep you refreshed.

You should know women that love you because they will find you cool shoes that suit you. They will tell you why you should exercise. They will teach you when to cross your legs and be a lady and when to roll your sleeves and work with the hunger of a young man. Even if it’s just one woman. She will laugh at your inside jokes. She will laugh but she will not judge you based on your sexuality. She will believe in you and pray with you. She won’t see you every day but she will be there exactly when you need her. She will drink wine with you and tell you not to kiss that man. She will commend your style and give you tips to keep lipstick off your teeth. She will send you a funny voice note with the sound of her son giggling in the background and it will warm your heart.

You should know women that love you because through them, you will learn how to love others.