DAY 1. NO FEAR

“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” – Proverbs 31: 25.

Have you ever been afraid? Really afraid?

Goosebumps are a pale comparison to the kind of fear that rests in the belly and goes everywhere with you. It rests on your shoulders and tells you not to dream, not to get excited and not to dare the unexplored.

I saw a man walking along the road.  He was wearing a suit with a crisp white shirt and  red tie. His shoes were coated with dust, his tie was flung over his shoulder like he was carrying it and he seemed tired.

What are you wearing?

You are what you wear they say, at the same time they say never judge a book by its cover. They say many things, altering your life according to what they say is fatal. One day they will lift you up, next day they will tear you down.

Who is speaking into your life? What are they saying?

I found myself afraid. So afraid of meeting a standard I had accepted as mine. I dream, I dream all the time. My dreams are big, bigger than me. They are colorful and alive. I don’t know how but I found myself afraid of never making them a reality. I found myself afraid of dying a woman of great potential. I don’t want to die with my potential.

Fear breeds insecurity. Insecurity is always so busy looking out instead of pouring in. Because of fear I started to shrink myself, I always tried to disappear and give as little of myself so that I lose as little as possible. I wore fear, fear wore me.

There’s a time when the voice speaking changes. I was reading about Elijah, he stood up on a mountain as instructed and a strong wind came and beat down on the rocks until they became dust and God was not in the wind. A strong earthquake came and shook the mountain and God was not in the earthquake. Then after all the turmoil he heard a quiet, still voice, God was the voice. I have survived many beat downs and it was easy to look for God in them, to blame him and think they are his ways. I have followed instruction and found myself suffering because of it. In the midst of the earthquake it’s easy to be overwhelmed with so much fear that you forget that you’re alive, still standing there. Chaos and fear is not God’s way. God is in the ability to stand while the wind is turning stone to dust. God is the quiet, calming voice after it all dies out.

Namaste roughly translates to I bow to the God in you. What is the God in you saying? Are you letting him speak into your life?

I am not afraid anymore. The God in me has clothed me with strength and dignity. Somehow I can hold my head up. I wear color these days. I speak my mind. I dare to dream. Not because I will get it right every time. Not because I can handle it all. I do it because of the God in me. I am not ashamed of my flaws, of my loud laugh or how I simply don’t know how the story is going to end. I take it a day at a time.

I don’t know all the details of my future. I don’t know how my story ends. I don’t know which dreams are fantasy and which can turn to reality. But I have the audacity to dare to be me, the ability to laugh and not be so afraid of the future.

When I sat down and paid close attention I heard the calming voice say. “I love you, everything will be okay.”