THEIR DREAMS OR OURS?

Sometimes I sit down and look back at all the stuff I've done and realize that there’s a lot I haven’t done. That’s worrying. I’m getting old. Getting old is not a bad thing in its own. It’s just that what kinda legacy will I leave behind? Especially for my kids? That worries me.

I spent my life trying to conform and adapt to those around me. Found myself a little too late. I never followed my dreams but those of my father. Many times I woke up hoping mom would walk through the door and tell me everything would be ok if I just did it my way. I sought validation and affirmation…in vain.

I almost gave up on my dream . But something keeps getting me back. In my youth, I was an extremely talented football player. Dad told me a career in soccer was for school dropouts and people who had nothing better to do in life (It was true back then). He wanted me to concentrate fully on school. Maybe go to college and pursue degrees in either medicine or aviation. To him, soccer was a distraction. So I just reserved talent exhibitions to social soccer where I countlessly answered the “why don’t you go professional?” question a lotta times. Now when I watch the EPL, I’m filled with regret, maybe I would have been good enough to play against Wayne Rooney or Tom Huddleston or Didier Drogba or Petr Cech. Guess I will never know. Now I have a talent that is entirely up to me to make or break. I still get the occasional dis-approvals to a point of mockery from a lotta people but I’m more determined now. Will to make it and the strength to follow dreams without fear and the ability to take risks is what separates successful people from the rest.

In Africa however, it is essential that you entrust your life decisions to your parents. What they want goes lest you lose their blessings or worse get cursed in the process. Their word is law. African children are raised to take orders without question. It is a sign of respect. Any deviation of any sort is a taboo. Any sign of resistance will be squashed with a slap or a beating that would be deemed as criminal in the west.

But that’s a life we have embraced. It has made a success of many a man but has also left many a man broken and miserable. Money should make anyone happy but look at how many famous and visibly successful people have ended up. Most have ended up either in rehab or in the morgue thanks to suicide. Michael Jackson died sad and lonely after a long successful music career engineered by his father Joe Jackson. Robin Williams succumbed to depression. Kurt Cobain hated fame…or so we are made to believe…and took the easy way out with a bullet to the head.

Success does not always breed happiness though. But then again, success is relative. What is it you are aiming for? If you achieve that goal then yes, you are successful. You don’t have to be Aliko Dangote large or Roman Abramovich rich. It is about attaining that which you had planned to gain. Yesterday a friend sent an inspirational vid to a WhatsApp group I’m a part of. Haven’t watched all 6 minutes of it but I have got the gist of it. Chase your dreams and make sure the hunger for more keeps burning. Strive to be better at all times regardless of status quo. You cannot relent in that pursuit.

Sir Alex Ferguson epitomizes this. Every single player that has worked under him always mentions the winning mentality and hunger for success that Sir Alex has. It is/was contagious to the players. He had a plan too. So in 20 English Premier League years he brought 13 trophies home. 10 more than Arsenal and Chelsea who have 3 apiece. He spent year after year pushing his team of average players to do extraordinary things just so he and they could realize their dreams. It’s that hunger for more…that winning mentality…that “I will not lose” attitude that has reaped the rewards.

Now back to my dreams, haven’t achieved anything meaningful yet (by my goals). Sometimes I feel like giving up and just adapting to what the world has shoved down my throat. But in those moments I see people living MY dream with less talent and it annoys me and re-energizes me. It’s that Drake featuring Trey Songz Successful feeling. That Trey Songz Just Gotta Make It feeling. That 50 Cent Get Rich Or Die Trying feeling. The talent and the ambition are there. What’s lacking is the drive and focus. I have a thousand excuses for it. One is fear. I’m afraid to take that risk because I don’t want to make things difficult for those I love and care for. I know making that leap is risky and might take really long before anything tangible materializes but maybe I should take that leap.

What happened to my father’s dreams? They made me a rebel. I tried to walk that path but I have failed. It has broken me and left me disillusioned and unhappy. I know all he wants for me is wealth. wealth of the mind, and material wealth. He wants me to be more successful than him. I want that too but I want it differently…I want new…and I will do it my way. Anything is possible. I ask that you follow your dreams too because if you don’t, you will live a life of regret.