AN ODE TO ME

I don’t look at myself often, I have a mirror that I use in the morning to make sure everything is in the right place but that is all. You won’t find me looking into those buildings with the reflective surfaces just to catch a glimpse of myself. I keep my relations with my reflection casual. Then I decided to buy a jumpsuit and I took it with me to the changing rooms. The changing rooms are spacious, have a full length mirror and fluorescent light, what you see is exactly what exists. No lighting tricks, no filters.  

I took off my clothes; first my jeans and then my shirts. I looked at myself in the mirror and I lingered for a while. I saw myself, flaws, perfections and beyond. The introspection kinda turned me off so I tried on the jump suit and because I looked banging in it I felt great again. I decided to buy the jump suit but I had to get naked and wear my clothes again. Reminded me of the James verse that says something about looking into a mirror to make corrections and know what is really there.

I spend too much time putting filters and looking at myself through rose coloured glasses. Busy thinking there is time to fix, restore and live when all I really have is today.

This is note to me. It is an ode to the thoughts that cause my smile and my smile itself. It is a note to the generosity of my heart, creativity of my hands, the agility and lovingness of my tongue and all the goodness therein. It is an acknowledgement of my existence and the strong regard I have for myself. It is the good book itself that says you cannot love God without loving your neighbour; I am my neighbour most times. The love begins here. 

The soft delicate skin on my neck and the sensitivity of my nape holds such feeling, a feeling I’d have never been aware of if I hadn’t been touched there. It jolts me back to life then it reminds me there is more. Sometimes I need someone to show me who I am so that I appreciate myself, sometimes I need guidance or another set of eyes to see the splendour. I am aware now, the knowledge stays with me. May I never forget. Even when I am low may I never forget that I am strong, that I am sharp, and that I have the capacity to love and be patient. May I never forget that I am dextrous and beautiful in way that there are no words for. 

I’m intricately crafted. Eyes, lips, hair, skin, legs, arms, hands, feet, curves and my spirit. All parts of me working in synergy to result in the me that I see. Everything is created to detail for my purpose.

I looked in the full length mirror and saw that I had been doing myself wrong. Polluting myself and leaving scars. Doing things to myself that mar the creation that I am. I eat everything, drink anything, go anywhere and I hurt myself. Society has guidelines about how to take care of the self but I am the kind that lives by experience instead of rules. Experience has taught me well, but it has also scarred me well.  I don’t mind that, I wear my battle scars well. But it is time I pumped the breaks and learned from the signs instead of the accident. Time to eat better, be more accountable of my words, be a manager of my emotions and regain control of myself.

This is a note to myself. To remind me to always be kind, to always be patient, to always be generous and choose what is best for others but firstly for myself.

And God said, “Love your enemies.” So I obeyed him and loved myself.