LOVE BINDS. PART TWO

“It’s so beautiful outside” Samantha said.

There was something in her voice when she spoke. A longing. A burning desire to be alive. It sang to my soul and it danced in her eyes. It reached out and grabbed me, pulling me close; daring me to live.

Sprawled on the white linen of the bed I could barely open my eyes. The light coming in was too much and my head felt heavy. For the first time in two weeks her voice irritated me. I hated everything about the room. The large windows. The hum of the air conditioning. And Samantha. Pretty white girl. Long flowing golden hair that fell on her shoulders like a silky waterfall. Long slender legs. Just the right amount of hip. Not too exaggerated. And an exceptional bosom. I called it the valley of death. At that moment I hated her. So I shrugged and let out a grunt.

It did not take long before she was on my back. Her soft small hands working my shoulders. She knew how to work me. Her voice low and soft whispering into my ear. Her breath warm. Smelling of the ocean. A minty ocean. Coaxing me to turn and look at her. She was my second real girlfriend. Ever since Mwiinga left. There had been a couple here and there. But they were just flings. Brenda. Claire. Regina. God, Regina. God bless her soul. She was quite something. I almost made it official with her. But she was a bit of a nag. She was always wanting silly things like attention all the time. She would’ve been too much to handle.

“I shouldn’t have had that last glass Sammie” I said.

She laughed. She always laughed. And loved it when I called her Sammie. She said my voice was like my skin. Smooth, deep and chocolaty. Always joked about eating it one day.

“Yes, but you never listen now do you?” she said “You’re very stubborn. Now get up and let’s go outside it’s beautiful. Okay Ish?”

She called me Ish. Even though I told her not to. It sounded like a cuss word. She said it sounded sexy. I admit sometimes it was sexy. Especially when she called it out during those steamy moments. Moments where I found myself in the valley of death. Fearing no evil. Just doing it to her. I turned and faced her. My eyes half open. She was astride my hips. She smiled. Brushed back a lazy hair and leaned in. She kissed me, deep. In her mouth I could taste the love she had for me. That day it was bitter. Maybe it’s because it was the last time I would see her. She just didn’t know it yet. We got up and left the room. The door opened out to the beach. White sandy beaches. The waves were crashing on shore. Perfect. They were not the only thing that crashed that day. I took a deep breath and walked out. She followed closely behind. Then jumped on my back. I put her down.

“We need to talk.” I said.

I could feel the mood change as the expression on her face melted from her warm loving smile into a worried stare. Life had never sucked as much as it did in that moment. I was about to break the heart of the woman who loved me with every fibre in her body. She literally worshiped the ground I walked on. God, what am I doing? Maybe If I wait just a little longer, maybe just maybe I could learn to love her too right?  But I had the talk with myself for over a week and I couldn’t afford to stall any longer. So I signalled for her to walk beside me. Reluctantly she stepped forward, placed her hand under my arm and we strolled along the shore, our feet sinking into the wet sand. It was such a beautiful day. The sun was out, the sky was a brilliant blue. The whole island was alive with colour and there were songbirds singing in the nearby palm trees. Just perfect! I on the other hand still hadn’t fully recovered from the previous night’s shenanigans; my head weighed a ton and the pressing matter at hand wasn’t helping either. Samantha made my entire stay in Kenya worth it but it had to end. My mind was hard at work thinking of a way to let her down gently. Like there’s ever a gentle way to smash someone’s heart to pieces. But before I could string it along any further she drew me out of it with a finger snap.

“Hello! Earth to Ish, Is everything okay my love?” she enquired with a genuine concern, “you don’t seem yourself today. I mean, I do understand last night was crazy, but this is so unlike you”

She looked at me square in the face with her big blue-piercing eyes. Blue as the sky, blue as the ocean I hoped would drown me that instant because I couldn’t hold her gaze any longer. So I looked down at my toes like the useless coward that I was. This would have been so much easier over the phone I thought to myself. I ran a trembling hand through my hair and tried my hardest to smile but I could only manage an awkward grin. My heart was throbbing hard against my chest, palms were sweaty and there was a tight knot in my stomach. I tried to stay composed but I couldn’t, deep inside I knew it was the beginning of the end. An end to a beautiful start. And I knew she was getting impatient as she searched my face for answers. I had no idea how she was going to take it, but I finally mustered up enough courage and went for it.

“Sammie” I said, as I took both her hands in mine, “I think that you’re an outstanding woman”.

There she goes again, smiling that wide smile, revealing teeth so perfect you’d think God himself tended to them. A red flush creeped across her face. She had never looked prettier than she did in that moment in her lovely floral sundress. I took a deep breath.

“And you have been so amazing to me, you are more than I could ever ask for”, I added, “But” I hesitated for a second, searching for the right words to say “But I don’t think that this is working anymore”

“What’s not working out Ish?” she asked with a surprising calmness.

“Us, this whole relationship, I don’t think I can keep lying to you any longer” I replied.

Her lips moved, but she said nothing. It was my turn to search for answers in her face. The smile disappeared and in its place was a blank expression. I hated that I couldn’t tell what was going through her mind. Silence had never been as deafening and the suspense killed me. I was ready to take anything, a slap to the face or screaming, but not silence. She crossed her arms and I could see the tears in her eyes.

“What do you mean you can’t keep lying to me?” she asked, her voice breaking into a thousand pieces. It was the only thing that betrayed the cool exterior she was trying hard to maintain. It hurt to see her like that. I swallowed hard.

“There is no easy way to say this, but I no longer have feelings for you Samantha. I’ve given this a lot of thought and I think that it is best if we go our separate ways, before it gets complicated.” I said. I didn’t know whether to sit or stand, I felt so awkward and so small.

“How? What do I even say to that? It doesn’t make any sense to me.” She said between sobs. Her face was wet with tears and I reached for her hand but she moved it away in a flash, “Don’t touch me!” she snapped, “You’re just like everyone else, and you turned into the very same person you said you wouldn’t, I can’t believe I fell for your stupid lies”

“I did no–“

“Oh yes you did!” she cut me off right before I could defend myself, “And if this is how it’s going down I have a few things I would like to get off my chest too”, She said this with a sinister smile on her face.